it's raining cats and rats
by those evil cats
Summary: once upon a time, there was a forum called fanfiction imagination. the downfall began when it started raining cats and rats.
1. day one: universes apart

shipping week. 'nuff said.

written for the FanFiction ImagiNation forum.

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><p><em>the ninth of februray, in the year two thousand and fourteen<em>

_one: squared_

universes apart

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><p>"Run!" the man yells. Mel takes one look behind her and complies, taking off as fast as her legs will carry her.<p>

"Who are you?" she pants, catching her breath, once they are safe from the plastic monster. She's blushing slightly, giving her a rather pretty look.

"I'm the Doctor," the man replied, just slightly pompous. "But ah…" he stammered, rather awkwardly. "You can call me Jordan."

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><p>The first place they visit is the year five billion. They watch the sun explode, a supernova in its last moments, emitting the brightest of lights. It's the saddest, most beautiful thing she's ever seen.<p>

He takes her around the world – no, around the universe – and she's _happy_. Away from the schoolwork, away from the people constantly bitching every day. And oh, the sights they see.

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><p><em>It's what she loved, the travelling, seeing a universe she never knew existed, meeting different creatures and seeing gorgeous sites, helping others and saving lives without expecting a thank you in return. <em>

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><p>"Ex-ter-mi-nate…ex-ter-mi-nate…"<p>

Mel reaches out, all the while holding her breath. The dark gold…skin…of the dalek is searing to the touch. With a gasp, Mel pulls her hand back.

"Why did he self-destruct?" Mel asked softly, after watching the dalek explode.

"When you touched it, you gave it human DNA. You gave it a piece of kindness in you that it couldn't handle. Daleks can't handle emotions or feelings like that. It would rather die than feel compassion."

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><p><em>It's what he saw in her, that kindness and compassion that he'd never quite seen before, the willingness to go out and touch a dalek despite the dangers, to look at it without fear. Coming from the war, he felt the change in himself, from anger and rage into her.<em>

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><p>For weeks, months, years, eons, the travel the universe, hand in hand. And once things get bad, there's only one thing to do. Run. But most of the times, it's not dangerous. He's not a dangerous man.<p>

When they get stuck in the parallel universe with the TARDIS broken, Mel's world is flipped upside down.

And when she got stuck in the parallel universe, well, her world ends.

"Quite right too. And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it, Melanie…"

And his projected image fades away.

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><p><em>"Why hello there." The man bent down, smiling at the dark haired girl. "What's your name?"<em>

_The girl, about three years old, blushed shyly, holding on to the balloon in her hand._

_"Mels," she whispered, very faintly. "Mels," she repeated, a little louder. _

_"Melsmels? That's quite adorable. I'm Jordan." _

_The young girl tried to repeat the syllables. _

_"Jord…jord." Looking happy with herself, she repeated the name again. "Jordjord."_

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><p>i'm sorry okay.<p>

i don't know what the actual fuck that was.

but in case you didn't guess the au(it's so obvious though), it was doctor who.


	2. day two: Dirty Threesome

l o fucking l

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><p><em>the tenth of february, in the year two thousand and fourteen<em>

_two: FI shipping trio_

Dirty Threesome

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><p>"Who are you?" Ray stared, narrowing her eyes and shooting bunnies out of them at the girl in front of her.<p>

"I'm Angel. I'm an anal of the Lord."

"WHAT?!" Ray was more perplexed than she'd ever been.

Angel the anal then proceeded to show her giant wings. They were white, fluffy, and shaped like, well, assbutts.

Ray liked it.

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><p>*cue Carry On My Wayward Son*<p>

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><p>"You ditched your own moirail FOR A CINNAMON BUN!" Ray screamed at Hazel, throwing a lamp across the room.<p>

"Look," Hazel protested. "I'm sorry. I'd give anything to not have done that. Now I'm pregnant with a cinnamon bun child. I didn't know he would turn out to be evil and working for Musa."

"YOU DICK," Ray yelled, flipping a table. "A CINNAMON BUN. AND YOU HAD SEX WITH IT."

"I'M SORRY," Hazel screamed back, now pissed. "At least I'm not having eye-sex with an anal."

Ray dropped both the chair and her jaw to the floor.

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><p>*cue Carry On My Wayward Son*<p>

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><p>"Oh Angel you anal of the Lord come down here, I need your help. Hey, Angie, you there? I need your stupid panda-mojo."<p>

Hazel snorted. "It's no use," she said. "I've been asking her for the last few months."

Suddenly, Ray's eyes went all "eye-sex".

"He's behind me, isn't he?" Hazel turned around to find Angel behind her.

"You…you…you PANDA!" She yelled in vexation. "I've been asking for you for months and now all she says is a few sentences and you come? What is this, blatant favoritism?"

"Jealous?" Ray sneers, looking satisfied.

"It's not favoritism," Angel says. Well, at least it's what she meant to say. What comes out is, "My pandas like her bunny-ass.

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><p>*cue Carry On My Wayward Son*<p>

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><p>all i have to say is: i'm sorry. especially to those who have watched supernatural.<p>

oh right, the au was obviously supernatural. yes yes, congratulate me.


	3. day three: Jiggling Misconception

AHAHAHHAHAAHA is all i have to say

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><p><em>the eleventh of february, in the year two thousand and fourteen<em>

_three: rayzel_

Jiggling Misconception

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><p>"I'M HOOOOOME!" Hazel screamed to the skies, free at last.<p>

"Come here you sexy thing," Ray replied seductively, jiggling around.

"Invite me in first," Hazel replied. "It's hard to enter if you don't invite me in…by my full name." Hazel raised her eyebrows in a very sexy manner.

"It ruins the fun that way. I like it when you barge in."

Hazel pouted, and Ray thought it looked very very very cootie pie indeed.

"Butt butt butt it ruins the fun even more when I can't come in."

"Fine then," Ray snorted. "Go have sex with your cinnamon buns." Hazel then proceeded to wail. While wailing, she accidentally sprouted out a crapload of beer.

"RAY. YOU HAD ONE JOB."

"What? At least I didn't get a boob job."

A lot of bickering followed, in which Ray became incredibly jealous of cinnamon buns and Tux, while Hazel became incredibly jealous of Aim.

Afterwards, Ray finally consented and invited Hazel in. Except an unexpected problem happened. Hazel bounced off.

Suddenly, a magical unicorn called Jordan came and pooped rainbows on Hazel and Ray, giving them the gift of sight.

Ray stared.

Hazel stared.

Ray blinked once.

Hazel blinked twice.

Ray poked Hazel.

Hazel poked Ray.

"YOU'RE JIGGLY." It was the first thing that came out of Hazel's mouth.

Ray almost started crying. "I thought…I thought you were a dick."

Hazel almost started crying too. "I thought…I thought you were a vagina."

Nope. They were both boobs.

"Well," Ray sniffed, "at least we can still be friends, right? I mean I'm cursed to spend the entire rest of my life stuck here." Hazel nodded in agreement.

"Unless…uh…you get cut off."

"Dick," Ray yelled.

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><p>oops did i go too far with this one?<p>

well hey just be glad i didn't write raim they would've been having intense sex on a chessboard.


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